Urgo induced madness
by SaidbhinLuch
Summary: Sam's having problems dealing with the controlled hallucination... Though seeming to be loosing her mind, she's not alone. Just silly team fun, with hints of Daniel/Janet to boot, Sam/Jack if you tilt you're head and squint I guess...


**_Alas my world domination plans were impeded by finding a new love of Covert Affairs... Auggie is too awesome! Sorry!_**

* * *

Sam scurried into her lab and shut the door quickly and leaned against the door.

'Oh why can't we go do something Samantha?' Her jaw clenched and she glared at the rotund hallucination.

'No. I'm going to work and ignore you.' She huffed and sat down on the seat heavily before arranging her notes and opening up her laptop and beginning research possible solution to this entire situation.

Sam let out a loud stream of curses as her files and notes went flying off her desk and sailing into the air.

'OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD URGO!' She all but screamed at the nonexistent man and Sam found herself sitting on the floor surrounded by her work and an SF looking warily down at her.

They blinked at each other for a few moments before Urgo opened his mouth.

'Why, oh why do they all have to be so dull? Please tell me that not all people on this planet are like _that?'_ Sam cricked her neck irritably and dismissed the SF before picking up her laptop and notes and heading out of the lab.

She kept her head down as she heading through the corridors and sang loudly in her head, in a vague attempt to keep Urgo out.

Fat chance of that happening as she found herself in the commissary and staring at the Colonel, who was once again surrounded by food.

'Carter?' He looked quizzically looked up at her as she stared down at the sea of food almost vacantly.

She sat down and her eyebrows knotted and sighed heavily.

'Urgo gettin' at you?'

Sam tossed him a look, to which the Colonel looked suitably abashed and he offered her a slice of pie. She folded her arms and placed her head down on top of them.

'Oh no Samantha don't feel like that!' Sam glared up at the little man and snapped.

'I can feel like this if I bloody well want too! It's all your fault! And you're _guilty_ because you're causing me pain and making me feel like I'm losing control AGAIN! So you better SHUT UP!'

At this point the few people left in the room slowly began to edge out, Sam was barely aware as she stared down Urgo. Sam willed daggers to slice through the little guy. Once again something was causing her to not be in complete control of her actions... While not as bad as the Jolinar incident, it was far more irritating.

Silence finally echoed in the room, well until Daniel burst into the room. He looked happily at them until he saw Urgo and his face fell almost comically.

'I thought- Damn he was actually quiet so I thought that maybe you'd-' Daniel sighed and sat down opposite Sam, Urgo opened his mouth but at Sam's warning look, his jaw snapped shut.

Daniel looked between them in bafflement and the Colonel applauded her. Sam bowed jokingly in response.

'Carter, justifiably, lost it at Urgo. And now he's shut up. Not only is she a genius, she can shut anyone up!' The Colonel explained continuing to applaud her, looking around, as though imploring others to join in. Unfortunately the only people left were the confused SF's.

Daniel leaned forward and grabbed her hand.

'It's at times like this Sam I honestly think I could love you.'

Sam looked round at the Colonel and they both looked back to Daniel and back again before they burst out laughing. Daniel frowned at them for a moment before he joined in.

The Colonel paused and tilted his head in thought, to which both scientists raised their eyebrows looking at him expectantly.

'Somewhere, right now, a SF is looking around for anyone else to confirm the fact that Teal'c is in fact laughing.'

Again the trio stared at one another before they all cracked up once again. Daniel was bent over double and wheezing loudly, where as both Sam and the Colonel were crying with laughter. Urgo opened his mouth to say something but Sam shot him a look and he sat down pouting spectacularly.

Daniel got up and hugged her fiercely, so fiercely Sam was once again finding it difficult to breathe. She began to tap at his back, shooting the Colonel a slightly panicked look. Unfortunately for Sam, he happened to be a somewhat evil man, so he began laughing once again, this time at her plight.

'Ow!' Daniel pulled back in confusion as the Colonel yelped in pain. Urgo frowned at Sam who was trying her best to look completely innocent.

'That wasn't very nice Samantha.' Both Daniel and the Colonel looked at Urgo and Sam looked between the two men, whilst relishing in the fact that she could breathe again.

'Total accident I swear Sir.' She commented idly sipping at a coffee that had appeared as though by magic in front of her.

'Oh yeah, I believe that.' The Colonel scoffed lightly at her taking a sip of his own coffee and staring her down. Sam, who had grown up with a career officer, knew how to down play a stare like the one he was aiming at her. They spent about five minutes at a face off, in which the Colonel scowled and Sam played innocent.

Daniel at this point had given up on the pair and started to inhale the feast that the Colonel had laid out. Eventually the Colonel let out a sigh of aggravation and glared at her briefly before picking up a piece of pie.

'How the heck did Jake deal with you as a teenager?'

'Even worse then you. Spent most of those years staring at me suspiciously or interrogating me for answers. Neither worked, always happens with us clever military brats.' Sam smirked, doing her best to suppress a giggle. Urgo however started chuckling madly next to the pair and Sam shot him another look, alas to no avail. The Colonel looked at her with a completely flummoxed look with a dash of admiration. Wasn't often heard that a teen managed to baffle a, at the time, Colonel, she supposed.

Urgo it seemed had gotten over his fear of Sam and began to babble once again. The trio groaned in unison and plonked their heads down on the table, Sam repeatedly hitting her head off it.

'That has got to hurt Samantha! You may want to stop.' Sam glared at the rotund man for a moment and settled her head back down on the desk.

'I'll stop when you go away.' She muttered more to herself then for anyone else's' benefit. However thanks to Urgo, the others could hear exactly what she said and they murmured in agreement.

Sam looked up as Daniel sat up looking pensively at Urgo with his eyebrow arched, practically to his hairline.

Sam looked at him quizzically and exchanged a baffled look with the Colonel who was watching the scene play out with the same curiosity.

'Sam, you were brought here as a means of distraction from your work and I was brought here... well I've no idea why actually... but where's Teal'c? We've barely been apart for the past week... and he's not here, why?' At this both Sam and the Colonel narrow their eyes in thought. Sam opened her mouth for a moment before shutting it again completely lost.

They turned to look at Urgo who had quietened down once again and was twiddling his thumbs.

'Waaaaaaaaaait a minute...' Daniel and Sam turned back to the Colonel who was pointing at Urgo with a shrewd look on his face.

'You're scared of Teal'c!' At the moment the Colonel declared this rather dramatically, so dramatically in fact he deemed it necessary to stand up flourishing widely and knocking back his chair, Janet walked into the commissary.

There was a moment in which they all stared at each other, the Colonel still pointing at Urgo and Janet looking at them worriedly.

'This does not bode well for our sanity does it?' Daniel asked trying to smile charmingly at Janet but ending up with a constipated expression instead.

Janet walked over to them her eyebrows knotted in worry and bit her lip.

'Not really Daniel. No.' She sat down next to Daniel patting his hand and blinking at the pile of food still sitting in front of the Colonel.

Janet however kept staring at Sam who was doing her best to avoid all eye contact with the doctor. She had been doing her best to avoid her best friend since the rather embarrassing chat with her and the General earlier that day.

* * *

"_I was just talking to Urgo Sir." Sam told the General feeling like a complete tool._

"_I see." The General frowned at her slightly and looked to the doctor standing next to him, who tried to stop the doubtful look that passed across her face._

"_Oh, I wish you did." Sam shifted slightly and looked at the General and the Doctor beseechingly and with more then a touch of self pity. _

_Janet turned to Sam's side and lifted herself up and steeled herself._

"_Alright, look Urgo, Major Carter would like to...' Sam sighed closing her eyes and stopping her friend._

"_Uh, Janet. He's... right here." Sam gestured to her left and looked awkwardly down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with both the General and Janet._

"_Well then, Urgo, Major Carter would very much like to be left alone." Janet nodded commandingly at where she assumed the small man to be. Sam winced as she saw Urgo narrow his eyes at her and she moved to intercede._

"_Janet, uh, as much as I appreciate it, please..."_

"_Honestly I don't understand why Doctor Jackson keeps having all sorts of __**thoughts **__about her, I think she's a bit-"_

"_Urgo that is rude!" Sam snapped at the little guy complete shocked at what she had heard._

"_What did he say?"Janet turned and glared furiously at the where she thought Urgo to be. Sam swallowed heavily and blinked widely at them._

"_Uh, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." She half smiled awkwardly at them, avoiding Janet's eyes and walked away, arguing furiously with Urgo._

* * *

As Sam came back to reality, Daniel and Janet were getting up and walking out the commissary, waving casually to the pair.

Sam cocked her head as she noticed Daniel's hand at Janet's back at the door.

'Oh boy, that's going to be fun.' Sam blinked at the Colonel who smirked at her knowingly taking a massive bit of yet another piece of pie.

'How much of that have you eaten?' She looked from the pie and back up to him in amazement. He paused, looking up at the ceiling for a few moments before smiling almost sheepishly at her.

'I don't think I want to know.' Sam chuckled lightly and running her finger around the edge of her coffee mug.

They sat there in contemplative silence, Sam savoured in the fact that Urgo had seemingly gone off to bug Daniel.

'Silence. I didn't realise how much I'd missed it.' The Colonel stopped and closed his eyes for a moment.

'I thought you thrived in chaos.' Sam took a deep breath and relaxed back in her seat pulling back her short hair.

'For the most part, but chaos causes life to get messy. The peaceful moments are the ones to be appreciated.'

'Good luck with that in this job.' She quipped looking at him from the corner of her eyes.

'I did retire you know... Some people just won't take no for an answer!' He countered laughing slightly.

However both stopped immediately as an image, clearly from Daniel came shooting through their minds. They both pulled faces of unabashed horror.

'URGO!'

* * *

**_Oh how there aren't more Urgo stories I'll never know! It has to be one of my favourite season three episodes... So fun and silly! Not to mention 'big fella' still makes me laugh!_**

**_And 'woof'. *Shakes head* Wonderful stuff.  
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**_Anyways I'm glad my muse decided to give me another Stargate one shot... it's been hard!  
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**_Also to the guest reviewer 'Lu' of Unexpected Hair Issues, if you so happen to be reading this... I'm not American so I didn't ever see that add! But thank you! Good to know!  
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**_As always please read and review!  
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**_Thank you all so much!  
_**


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